TIFU by having the most inappropriate boner ever after being too dumb to distinguish front from back.

reddit: the front page of the internet 2020-01-26

Disclaimer: originally posted over on r/sex by me and people said you guys might get a laugh out of the story too.

Original text:

Most inappropriate boner in history. I want to die.

I’m [18m] on a family holiday with my parents and little sister [16f]. Also there, friend of sister [16f] plus her dad. Now friend of sister (fop from now) is hot af. We get on well, but sometimes I turn into a stuttering mess and don’t get a sentence out. I’ve been sort of trying to hit on her during the holiday, but I’m really not a good flirt and I don’t think she noticed or has completely ignored me on purpose.

Today: We are all at the pool of the holiday home we are staying at. Fop is putting sunscreen on her dad’s back and comments he seems tense, so ends up giving him a back rub/massage. Then she comes into the pool. I say (joking) that I could use help with my sunscreen too. She asks if I need a back rub too and I say May be. Then she asks my sis if she wants a back rub too and sis says Yes. Anyway, we play in the pool for ages and I forget all about the back rub thing.

We get out and fob tells me I need to lie down if I want a back rub. I’m completely unprepared and just lie down, on my back, because I’m an idiot. She sort of says Okay and straddles my stomach. I panic, but it’s kind off too late and she’s already putting sun screen on my chest. Everyone is staring, like my parents and her dad. Then her dad says [Fob’s name] stop being cruel. She asks him How she is being cruel and then asks me if she is being cruel. I just stutter and say No of course.

I try to stay super still and not make any noise, but she’s REALLY good at massages and I sort off relax and there’s a super hot girl in a swimsuit sitting on my stomach where I can sort of feel everything and the next thing I know, I’m pitching a full tent. Fuck. My parents are there, her dad is there, my sis is there and this girl is sitting on top of me, rubbing my chest. I can’t really get away. I’m only wearing my swimming stuff too, so even though I can’t see, I’m CERTAIN it is super obvious.

It gets worse. She is slowly shuffling down and suddenly, she bumps into it. Like into my cock which is rock hard. She gives me a look, shakes her head and scoots a bit up, which her dad notices. He gets up, walks past my lounger and dumps a cold damp towel on my crotch, before jumping into the water. I’m assuming because he didn’t want my dick near his daughter’s ass. My mother then excuses herself to go inside, looking like she is about to die of trying to suppress her laughter. Dad has his face firmly behind his newspaper and my sister looks utterly disgusted.

I have no idea how I’m ever going to look any of these people into the face ever again. I’m currently hiding in my room, but I need to see them again for dinner.

EDIT: Okay. So her dad just came into my room and told me to clench and unclench my thigh muscles to get rid of an erection. Then he patted my shoulder and left again. WTF?

TL;DR: Lay the wrong way up when offered back massage by super hot girl. Got chest massage instead. Also got boner in front of entire family and father of cause of boner. Said father proceeded to dump a cold wet towel on me, while my mum almost died laughing and sister was super grossed out. Ends with her dad telling me how to get rid of future boners. FML

submitted by /u/HorribleHoliday to r/tifu [link] [comments]