When a girl ask you (men) to be more dominant/rougher in bed, how do you react?

reddit: the front page of the internet 2021-05-14

I ask because I’ve brought up to my bf that I would prefer more manhandling/spanking/holding me down/etc in bed and his reaction seemed very...masked. I don’t know what I expected, maybe excitement from him? Or at least if he isn’t interested or wants clarification I expected him to speak up about it. He’s great at communicating the vast majority of the time, even plenty of times where he’ll mention off hand “hey when you did this in bed the other night it was really sexy”. But his response in this case was completely unreadable. I assured him I only want to do those things if he’s comfortable with them (he says he is), and asked him (several times) if there’s anything else he wants to try. He said no.

Since that conversation, he’s ‘tried’ to incorporate these things, but his efforts come off very half ass, although I feel like what I’m asking for isn’t exactly uncommon. He’s more experienced than I am in bed and I know he watches porn, so I’m confused as to why he isn’t trying or what he’s not getting. Again, especially because he hasn’t voiced any clear concerns in terms of not wanting or liking these things. I even brought up some sexy ‘this or that’ questions and he said he prefers to be the dominant one in bed! I’m just lost as to what to do next. He always finishes, and clearly tries to help me finish, but it’s just not doing it for me.

I definitely believe that great sex can be learned and that I shouldn’t break off my otherwise amazing relationship just because of this, so any advice is helpful! (Except yOu DoNt SoUnD sExUaLlY cOmPaTiBlE, bReAk Up WiTh HiM. That’s not helpful)

Since I can’t get much info from him right now, I’m just curious what other men would think of their gf brought this up, or if you have advice as far as a different approach to get a guy to say what he is feeling?

Edit: Just want to be clear that I don’t assume that he, or any other man for that matter, likes or prefers rough sex. This is what I like, though if he is against it or is not comfortable with it, he has not told me. If that is the case, and he does not want or like it, I would absolutely respect that and not ask for it again. His comfort and opinion is very important to me.

submitted by /u/DrivenButLazy to r/AskMen [link] [comments]