Jonathan Swift v. Apostrophes

Just edited a piece mentioning the companies Hays, Schroders and Lloyds. They were named for men called Hay, Schröder and Lloyd but all (I checked) officially lack an apostrophe.

People occasionally throw a fit—illiteracy triumphant!—but it does not seem to have done any harm whatsoever.

— Lane Greene (@lanegreene.bsky.social) November 25, 2024 at 7:03 AM

[I don't see Lane's article yet — I'll add a link when it appears.]

Recent peeving about apostrophes goes in both directions. As in Lane's examples, the problem could be leaving them out where the standard says they should be present; but it also could be inserting them where the standard is to leave them out, in possessive it's or in plural nouns.

More than three centuries ago, Jonathan Swift published (in The Tatler, 9/28/1710) an epic peeve about "the continual corruption of our English tongue", in which the use of apostrophes to signal contractions is the second of four complaints, attributed to "a natural tendency toward relapsing into barbarity, which delights in monosyllables, and uniting of mute consonants".

Swift's (perhaps fictional) correspondent quotes this offending passage:

I cou'dn't get the things you sent for all about town. — I tho't to ha' come down myself, and then I'd ha' bro't 'um; but ha'nt don't, and I believe I can't do't, that's pozz. — Tom begins to g'imself airs, because he's going with the plenipo's. — ’Tis said the French king will bamboozle us agen, which causes many speculations. The Jacks, and others of that kidney, are verry uppish and alert upon't, as you may see by their phizz's. — Will Hazard has got the hipps, having lost to the tune of five hundr'd pound, tho' he understands play very well, nobody better. He has promis't me upon rep to leave off play; but you know 'tis a weakness he's too apt to give into, tho' he has as much wit as any man, nobody more: he has lain incog ever since. — The mobb's very quiet with us now. — I believe you tho't I banter'd you in my last like a country put. — I shan't leave town this month, &c.

The analysis, with the elision discussion in bold face:

The first thing that strikes your eye, is the breaks at the end of almost every sentence; of which I know not the use, only that it is a refinement, and very frequently practised. Then you will observe the abbreviations and elisions, by which consonants of most obdurate sounds are joined together without one softening vowel to intervene: and all this only to make one syllable of two, directly contrary to the example of the Greeks and Romans; altogether of the Gothick strain, and of a natural tendency toward relapsing into barbarity, which delights in monosyllables, and uniting of mute consonants, as it is observable in all the Northern languages. And this is still more visible in the next refinement, which consists in pronouncing the first syllable in a word that has many, and dismissing the rest; such as phizz, hipps, mobb, pozz, rep, and many more; when we are already overloaded with monosyllables, which are the disgrace of our language. Thus we cram one syllable, and cut off the rest; as the owl fattened her mice after she had bit off their legs, to prevent them from running away; and if ours be the same reason for maiming words, it will certainly answer the end; for I am sure no other nation will desire to borrow them. Some ​words are hitherto bet fairly split, and therefore only in their way to perfection, as incog and plenipo; but in a short time, it is to be hoped, they will be further docked to inc and plen. This reflection has made me of late years very impatient for a peace, which I believe would save the lives of many brave words as well as men. The war has introduced abundance of polysyllables, which will never be able to live many more campaigns. Speculations, operations, preliminaries, ambassadors, palisadoes, communications, circumvallations, battalions, as numerous as they are, if they attack us too frequently in our coffeehouses, we shall certainly put them to flight, and cut off the rear.

"The third refinement observable in the letter I send you, consists in the choice of certain words invented by some pretty fellows, such as banter, bamboozle, country put, and kidney, as it is there applied; some of which are now struggling for the vogue, and others are in possession of it. I have done my utmost for some years past to stop the progress of mob and banter, but have been plainly born down by numbers, and betrayed by those who promised to assist me.

"In the last place, you are to take notice of certain choice phrases scattered through the letter; some of them tolerable enough, till they were worn to rags by servile imitators. You might easily find them, although they were not in a different print, and therefore I need not disturb them.

 

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Some previous posts about apostrophes:

"A soul candidly acknowledging it's fault", 1/9/2004 "Reads, zaps, and digresses", 6/21/2004 "'Grammar cranks' of the right", 8/30/2005 "Worth a repetition", 10/4/2005 "Peeveblogging", 10/25/2005 "Shooting too good", 11/5/2005 "Patriots Day, Patriot's Day, and Patriots' Day", 4/17/2006 "Punctuation tip's", 6/30/2006 "Angry linguistic mobs with torches", 4/16/2008 "'Grammar vigilantes' brought to justice", 8/22/2008 "Apostrophe catastrophe", 1/31/2009 "More on apostrophes in names", 2/7/2009 "BBC in diner truck apostrophe scandal", 10/5/2010 "Google n-gram apostrophe problem fixed", 1/2/2011 "Apostropocalypse Now", 1/15/2012 "Does the apostrophe ever represent a sound?", 1/16/2012 "For want of an apostrophe…", 10/11/2014 "Signs and wonders", 6/12/2021 "Harris'(s)", 8/15/2024 "'Deppenapostrophe': Is English guilty after all?", 10/12/2024