What’s Your PGP?

It’s a question we didn’t have to answer in the 20th century. In fact, it’s a question that didn’t exist until recently.

We have this question now because we have a growing menu of gender identity. Last week I discussed it with regard to the abbreviations LGBTQQ2IA and Quiltbag. Nowadays we understand that anatomy isn’t destiny; it’s your choice to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning, intersex, asexual—or something else.

That’s not a misstatement. It is your choice, we have been told. We have reached the point that regardless of anatomy, you can choose your gender identity. And you can choose to change your gender identity as often as you change your clothes.

But it brings up a question we didn’t have before. What pronouns should others use in talking about you?

Fortunately, it’s not a problem in direct conversation, where first- and second-person pronouns are used: I/me/mine, you/your/yours. Those are gender-neutral and all-encompassing, regardless of your gender identity. So is third-person plural: they/them/their.

But as my Lingua Franca colleague Lucy Ferris has noted, a problem does arise when someone talks about singular you, using the third person. “Do you agree with his answer?” is problematic, if you don’t know a person’s gender preference. So is “I’m impressed with her.” It’s the familiar problem of the gender-neutral third-person singular pronoun, raised to the nth degree.

So how do you know what pronouns to use? Well, you ask: What’s your PGP?

On progressive campuses, the college community knows that PGP stands for Preferred Gender Pronouns. For third-person singular, those can be not only she/her/hers and he/him/his, but also the more exotic alternatives that have been proposed for a neutral third-person singular pronoun: ze, hir. Or for that matter, anything the person prefers. You have the right to say how your name should be pronounced, and also, in the 21st century, the right to your own pronouns.

The Sexuality and Gender Activism Club at Carleton College offers tips:

“Kick things off by asking: ‘Do you have a preferred pronoun?’ Recognize that while this might make some people confused, it’s also an awesome opportunity to explain why you’re doing it, and it will really mean something to those who have been misidentified or care about the issue.”

Carleton’s SaGA tries to make it easy: “One great way to ask for preferred pronouns is to incorporate preferred pronoun into introductions, particularly in student organization meetings. So, for example, you could say, ‘Hey, I’m Schiller, I’m from Germany, I’m a super-senior, English and Philosophy double major and my preferred pronouns are he/him.’ See, wasn’t that easy? Your turn!”

The nationwide Gay Straight Alliance for Safe Schools explains why the question is so necessary: “Could a person identify as female and also prefer he/him/his? Sure!” And as SaGA at Carleton says, “Don’t expect that if you ask once, you’re set forever—people’s (gender) identities can change, so check in!”