Russia’s latest weapon: ZOMBIES!

Russia has suffered somewhere north of a quarter million — possibly approaching a half million — casualties in their war with Ukraine, but there’s nothing to worry about, since their dead troops are getting resurrected! Trust the words of Artemiy Vladimirov, Archpriest of the Russian Orthodox Church.

Vladimirov played along and replied, “In war, there are no unbelievers! When you are facing physical death, every fiber of your soul comes alive. Right now, there are many wonderful testimonies of Christ’s victory over death. My wife sends me many military testimonies and video clips. Before Lent, I watched a video about one Chinese man who participated in the special military operation. A bullet hit him in the stomach, destroying all of his insides. He died from this and then was resurrected.”

Vladimirov continued to spin the tale, claiming, “Saint Luke of Crimea appeared to him and completely healed him, his insides were fully restored. He was baptized along with his relatives, all of them are photographed together, dressed in white clothes, baptized into our Orthodox Church.”

Ukraine should be worried when the zombie hordes mob their country, and when the enemy they shoot simply rises back up and continues the charge. They need to be informed to aim for the head, not the stomach.

Also of concern:

Vladimirov is no stranger to spreading idiosyncratic fibs. In 2019, he claimed to have communicated with Charles Darwin from beyond the grave and alleged that the scientist repented for his theory of evolution and renounced his own hypothesis about the origin of species.

Y’all worried now? So believable.