Friday one-liners

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Judge Parker, 3/7/14

April’s dad may be an amoral arms merchant who deals with ex-Romanian secret police and has a “retirement fund” made up entirely of blood diamonds, but at least he likes Judge Parker Senior’s terrible book, which puts him one step above the real monsters: liberal Ivy League college professors.

Heathcliff, 3/7/14

Heathcliff only loves his owner-family for financial reasons.

Herb and Jamaal, 3/7/14

Herb has been having sex with the restaurant’s catering truck for years, but is now starting to question his auto-monogamy.

Pluggers, 3/7/14

Pluggers’ electronics are covered with more disgusting slobber and drool than you can imagine.

This post originally appeared as "Friday one-liners" on The Comics Curmudgeon, which is the best blog on the Internet.

Related posts:

1. I will send you this notarized certificate of bastardry, once I sober up
2. Twelve angry idiots
3. Abbey obviously uses “euro” as the correct plural, not this “euros” barbarism