Hoe, hoe, hoe.

The Mistlehoe

The mistletoe is used to get to first base. The mistlehoe is used to get to at least third. Grab the mistlehoe and hold it just above your crotch area and you'll definitely be getting a very merry Christmas. Singing "Christmas time, mistlehoe and wine" is completely optional.

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Carol Swingers

Christmas is a time for sharing good times with close friends, which is why carol swinging is ideal. You gather a group, big or small, and between bouts of fornicating you get the carol books out and start singing "Silent Night". It's definitely bringing "Joy To The World".

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A Lay In A Manger

Everybody knows the big JC was born in a manger but Mary and Joseph were pretty frigid and they didn't take full advantage of the barn and hay. So why not create your own nativity, beginning with the conception of Jesus? And when you reach the point of orgasm, you can scream "HO HO HO" to really kick off the festivities.

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The Ebenezer Spooge

Bah, cumbug! This is for the Scrooges out there that hate Christmas. The best thing to take your mind off things is to release the tension, so unload the spooge and who knows, you might actually end up liking Christmas after all.

Sian Butcher / BuzzFeed

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