I found the next Patient Zero!

This doesn’t sound like my childhood swimmin’ hole.

“Swimming and wading are not allowed due to high bacteria levels,” the National Park Service states on its website. “Stay out of the water to protect streambanks, plants, and animals and keep you and your family (including pets!) safe from illness.”

In addition to the high levels of bacteria, the waterway also has “other infectious pathogens,” making swimming, wading, and any other water contact a “hazard” for humans and pets alike.

I wouldn’t go anywhere near it, and I’m a guy who went swimming in a cow pond when I was 14, wondering what the squishy stuff I was wading through was. I’ve encountered places like that before, I would never do that again! One thing worse would be wading into human waste.

“Getting into Rock Creek anywhere inside the Beltway is sort of weird and kooky, getting into Rock Creek downstream from the National Zoo is bugnuts. Basically begging for a zoonotic parasite. Forget Chinese wet markets, this guy is cooking up COVID-25 inside his grandkids.”

Yeah, don’t bring children into such a place. Who would do such a thing? Would you believe the head of Health and Human Services?

Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. went swimming with his grandchildren in Rock Creek in Washington, D.C., even amid warnings that the waterway isn’t safe for swimming because of high bacterial levels.

Kennedy wrote on X that he went on a “Mother’s Day hike in Dumbarton Oaks Park with Amaryllis, Bobby, Kick, and Jackson” and took “a swim with my grandchildren, Bobcat and Cassius in Rock Creek.”

The 71-year-old posted a number of photos, showing him shirtless, jeans on, in the water in the Potomac River tributary.

The man is an absolute legend. He’s bathing in effluent and eating rotting road kill; of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, he’d be Pestilence. And he’s in charge of American health!