I’d rather embrace the tooth fairy

As you may have heard, Joni Ernst, the Iowa pig-farmer who has somehow found herself in congress, had a town hall the other day in which she tried to justify the massive cuts to medicaid and medicare her party is endorsing. Someone in the audience shouted out that people were going to die. Ernst dismissed that with the comment, Well, we all are going to die. They weren’t making an existential comment, they were pointing out that these cuts were going to directly cause the death of thousands or even millions of people in the near future.

Ernst has now posted a truly epic apology video, one that will live on in the annals of disgraceful, clueless apology videos. She could only have made it worse by bringing out a ukulele, but she does win extra points for recording it in a graveyard.

I would like to take this apology to sincerely apologize for a statement that I made yesterday at my town hall. I was in the process of answering a question that had been asked by an audience member when a woman who was extremely distraught screamed out from the back corner of the auditorium, ‘People are going to die,’ and I made an incorrect assumption that everyone in the auditorium understood that yes we are all going to perish from this earth. So, I apologize and I’m really, really glad I did not have to bring up the subject of the tooth fairy as well. But for those that would like to see eternal and everlasting life, I encourage you to embrace my lord and savior Jesus Christ.

I’m sure everyone in the audience already knew that they were mortal. The concern wasn’t that they were going to die someday in the future, but that they’d rather not die right now, you fucking clueless kook.

And they call atheists “arrogant.”

I do appreciate that she’s the one who juxtaposed belief in Jesus with belief in the tooth fairy.