Sometimes You Get to See the Difference

For the first week of school, I can see why. On the second day, right when we're supposed to be in the "honeymoon period," he throws a paper airplane into my back. He follows it up with clay. Then a rubber band. Each time, I want to scream at him. (And a few times later in the year, I will raise my voice in frustration). Instead, I pull him aside and talk about his actions. I spend some time before school getting to know him. The behavior changes first. Not radically, per se. But the throwing stops and the interruptions dwindle and he begins to make an effort to keep his voice down. Still, he puts little effort into his work. By the end of the first quarter, he is missing almost half of his assignments. It doesn't seem to matter how high interest the projects are, he just seems to be checked out. I can't tell if it's low skill or low motivation or pain that goes unspoken. On a few occasions, he lashes out at me, reminding me of his improvement and questioning why I still have to "nag him." It stings. On a few occasions, I grew impatient and ask him why he can't simply follow the most basic directions. But somehow, by late in the second quarter, he is different. He decides, on some level, not to believe the lie he has internalized about his identity. There are no big breakthroughs. No tearful conversations. No Stand and Deliver moments. Just a slow, steady transformation. Today, I check his blog. He's written, edited and posted for entries over the weekend. He's left the most thought-provoking and encouraging comments on his classmates' blogs. I get it. He is only one student. I haven't seen the same kind of huge results among some of the other students who came in with low motivation. However, I am struck by the fact that one of the best perks of this job is that every year I get to experience this with at least one student. I get to see a kid find his or her voice, redefine his or her identity and fall in love with some type of learning all over again. That's why, in the midst of the testing culture that so often wars against my soul, I refuse to give up, because ultimately I realize that I teach students and not test scores.