Help! My husband thinks that I am an ah for wanting him to stop seeing his AP.

My husband and I (30) have been together for 10 years. He has always had higher sex drive than me. After our children were born my drive plummeted and I honestly don’t like sex. I have always compensated with a lot of hugs and kisses and cuddles and I apologized all the time. I am not selfish though and I did my best to give him sex. About two years ago he just stopped initiating all together. He was happier than ever and our relationship solid. I am just thinking back now it all happened gradually and unnoticed to me.

Now I found out that he has been seeing a woman in ger 40s. When I found out I kicked him out and i was broken for weeks and couldn’t leave my bed. I thought he loved me. Then when I was ready to talk he wasn’t as I expected him to be. He wasn’t anxious or sorry or anything. He just calmly said that he found someone with the same problem as him. He was getting very depressed because of the lack of sex. I asked him why he didn’t ask me for more and he said that he wanted a woman that wanted him and wanted sex. I told him that instead of talking to me like an adult he went behind my back and he said yeah, because people would totally understand a man who is demanding sex from his wife.

I asked him what now? He said nothing. He doesn’t want to change it. We have a good life together. We love each other and he is not bothering me anymore about something I didn’t want. I asked him if he loved her or me. He said both. He loves me as his wife, best friend and partner. She is just sex and he loves that about her.

I demanded that he ended his relationship and start counseling with me. Never see her again. We can go to sex therapy. He said I was an AH for demanding that because it is something that I have no interest in. Then he told me either we stay as it is or I could leave him.

I don’t think I am the AH. Cheating is NEVER NEVER NEVER OK. He could have talked to me more about wanting sex. He should have understood me. I hate my life but he says that I am the ah because I was totally fine with things and never once wondered why he stopped talking about sex and probably even LOVED that he was off my back about it but never once wondered then how is he getting his needs met? He kept silent and it suited me and now I could still keep silent and enjoy the rest of our marriage