AITA for telling my husband that he will lose the privilege to name our daughter if he gives his parents $45,000?

My husband, Gary (M41), and I (F38) are expecting our first child in a little more than 3 months. As you can imagine, things have been quite hectic as we prepare. Overall, Gary is an excellent spouse. However, he has an issue regarding his relationship with his parents.

Gary’s family lived in extreme poverty for most of his life. It was so bad that his parents would regularly skip meals so that he and his brothers had enough to eat, and they came close to homelessness several times. Fortunately, Gary and his brothers were all able to secure good stable jobs and have worked hard to pull their parents out of poverty.

The biggest issue I have with Gary is that he spends excessively on his parents. Around the time we met, he had just taken out a mortgage on a nice house for them. This strained our relationship at the time because I didn’t want him to make any major financial commitments to other people before we were married. This was perhaps the biggest example, until now.

In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed Gary talking a lot with his brothers about buying something else for their parents. I was curious, so I asked him, and he mentioned something about how he and his brothers wanted to buy a car for their parents since their old one was starting to have issues. I asked him not to spend too much because we’re expecting a baby and don’t know what expenses will arise in the coming months. He reassured me that he wouldn’t.

For the past two weeks or so, Gary has been working later than usual. I even overheard him telling a friend in our neighbourhood that he needed to work longer hours because he was about to make a major purchase.

I’ll admit this next part may seem wrong, but I was frustrated with his late hours, so I logged onto his home laptop. I saw that on Tuesday, he made a $45,000 wire transfer. Of course, I was fuming seeing he spent that much, and my curiosity got the better of me, so I checked out his WhatsApp (also on his computer) and read some of the messages he was sending his brothers.

Turns out they are preparing to drop around $105,000 on a car called a G90 for their parents. Gary sent the $45,000 to his brother who lives in the same city as their parents. I saw a few pictures of the specific car, and read some of the messages he was sending the dealership rep about being “fully on board” and all this made me feel sick to my stomach.

When Gary came home, I did confront him about this. I said that he was being irresponsible for spending that kind of money without consulting me and that I wanted him and his brothers to cancel the whole thing for the time being. Gary became very defensive and started saying that we had more than enough money in case of an emergency and that he’d work overtime for the next few weeks so that he could make it back.

We argued. I called him a liar. He said I broke his trust by going through his computer. I got so angry, angrier than I’ve ever been, and I told him that since he spent this kind of money without telling me, he lost the privilege to name our daughter. He got frustrated by this and just said I was being “too much”. We ended up not eating together, and we even slept separately last night. We have also not spoken since, as he ended up leaving extra early for work today.

I personally think he’s being too stubborn, but my best friend thinks I’m too harsh and that I should apologize.

AITA?

Context - For those wondering, last year according to his taxes he made about 763k. Give or take this year, he should be making around the same amount. My issues are that he went behind my back and 45k is still a massive amount of money.