TIFU by pissing my pants, puking on myself, almost killing/losing a $1800 snake, and confessing my undying love to 20 different women on a facebook status (I tagged my girlfriend as well).

Happened last night, a good friend of mine drove us to a downtown octoberfest around 5pm, I had about six beers by 7pm and I was definitely feeling drunk. He only had two beers and offered to drive to a liquor bar we frequent, I completely forgot about the age old “beer before liquor never sicker” and we went. I remember drinking 2 rum runners at one bar and then leaving to go to another and this is pretty much where I blacked out. I woke up this morning in my bed, still dressed in my button down and slacks, covered in pee and vomit. I took a shower and checked my phone, I had sent a bunch of extremely embarrassing messages to random friends and old girlfriends. I checked my facebook and saw I posted a status confessing my love for 20 different women, and I tagged them. I also confessed that I loved my ex more than I could ever love my current girlfriend and tagged them both. I had a ton of missed calls and a voicemail from my girlfriend telling me she didn’t want to see me again. I ate breakfast and sat down contemplating my life when I noticed I did not see me extremely expensive female black eyed leucistic ball python in her cage. I was not sure my stomach could sink any farther but it did, I freaked out. I looked all over my room before finding my python wrapped up in my piss covered bed sheets. My guess is I took her out of her cage before falling asleep.

TLDR: Drank 6 beers before drinking 4-5 cocktails, woke up in a pool of my own piss and vomit, messaged a bunch of random women and posted on facebook that I loved them, girlfriend broke up with me, almost killed/lost an extremely expensive ball python.