OOP -When people ask why I’m not in our family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.
reddit: the front page of the internet 2022-11-29
Original (14 Nov 22)
When people ask why I’m not in our family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.
A couple of weeks ago, my wife asked if we could have professional family photos taken. I said that money was too tight between our daughter's birthday, a trip to her parents' for Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I asked her if we could wait until after Christmas; she said no. She never brought it back up. I didn’t think anything of it because I assumed she was planning on taking them herself.
The other day, one of my tires blew out, and I went to our emergency fund to cover it. That’s when I discovered that she took three hundred dollars out of it to pay for photos. THREE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS.
I know it sounds pathetic, but when I saw that shit, I broke down. The last couple of years have been horrible for us. I got laid off and she got sick in the same year. We eventually both found new jobs, but we never fully recovered financially. It took months and months of hard work just to get our emergency fund to that point. Now half of it is gone right before Christmas for fucking photos.
When I confronted her about it, she didn’t even try to deny it. She just said that she deserves to have nice photos. I begged her to try and get that money back, but she said no.
The photo session she booked is next Saturday, but I won’t go. She keeps threatening me, saying that people are going to ask why I’m not in them and that I’m going to look bad. I’m sure she’s right, but I’m counting on it. When people ask why I’m not there, I’ll tell them exactly what happened. I don’t care if it’s in person or on her Facebook page. I’m going to let everyone know what she did.
Since having pictures to show off is more important to her than our family’s safety, it seems only right that her family and friends should know that.
I feel like I’m married to a stranger. The woman I married would have never betrayed me like that.
Update (22 Nov 22)
Update: When people ask why I’m not in my family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.
I contacted the photographer directly. I didn’t think it would work, but I decided to try it after so many people suggested it. I told my wife that I changed my mind about the photos and asked to see the photographer's other work. She gave me the website. Then I sent the photographer an email explaining the entire situation. I was shocked by how understanding she was. She refunded us right away. The only catch is that my wife is banned from using her services.
I had planned on sitting my wife down to talk. However, the photographer sent her an email before I could. She was pissed. She wouldn’t stop yelling at me until I told her I was considering leaving her.
She calmed down after that. I told her how angry and disgusted I was that she would act so irresponsibly. I asked her why she would do something like this. She said she deserved nice photos after the last couple of shitty years. I pointed out that we both had hundreds, if not thousands, of family photos saved on our phones. She said they weren’t high quality enough, and that we didn’t look nice enough in them.
I responded back that we could have gone to JCPenney, or just fucking waited and budgeted for them. She said that she didn’t want JCPenney style portraits, and that she wanted Christmas pictures. I told her that it doesn’t matter, and that financial safety was more important than fucking photos. I said if she didn’t agree, it meant that we were incompatible as a couple.
She apologized but didn’t agree. She still wants to stay together and try to work through our issues. I agreed to try on two conditions: 1) we separate our finances, and 2) we do a trial separation. She agreed. We’re splitting the bills 60/40, which is proportionate to our incomes, and splitting the emergency fund 50/50. We’re also taking turns sleeping on the couch.
I know a lot of you wanted me to leave her, but I can’t do that. I want to see my daughter every day, not fifty percent of the time. I owe it to her to at least try and make this marriage work. As angry as I am at my wife, we have gone through hell together. I can’t throw that away without trying to make it better.
The trip to her parents isn’t happening anymore. We evenly split the hundred dollars we saved for gas. My wife can’t afford the trip without my half. She’s angry that I won’t give it up. I told her that when I said separate finances, I meant separate finances. Besides, after paying for the tire and the tow, my half of the emergency fund is depleted. I need every dollar to build it back up again. I also want to stay in town with my parents.
I suggested she dip into her half of the emergency fund, but she told me she already used it to book a different photographer for her and my daughter.
Last Saturday, I borrowed a couple of sleds from a buddy of mine and took my kid sledding. I want us to build real memories together, not photos posted for likes. I think that twenty years from now, she’ll remember that more fondly than the photoshoot her mother has planned.
Reminder - I'm not the OOP