"This intro is high-key gonna slap"

The winning submission to a high school essay contest, written by Mallory Valis, described as "a 16-year-old from Toronto", starts this way:

Bro, this intro is high-key gonna slap. Just let me cook.

Oh wait, I should be more formal.

Uhh. . . . Henceforth I commence my righteous thesis. Yeah.

In the eyes of older generations, Gen-Z slang besmirches the Sacred English Language with its base, loose, and astonishingly convoluted wordplay. By now, you’ve heard it before. Words sprouting like weeds in conversations with friends or wriggling through Instagram comment sections: rizz, fit check, girlboss, slay, simp. . . the list spirals downwards into a pit of sacrilege.

And for a (more explicitly) old-person-oriented article on the same topic, see "Quiz: Do You Speak 2024?", NYT 12/24/2024.

You should read Mallory Valis' whole essay, but its opening reminded me of this PhD Comics strip:

And with a similar style shift, Samantha Hancox-Li promoted her Foreign Policy article "Get Ready for Trump’s TV Government (The incoming administration will be chaotic and personalist, not organized autocracy)" with a skeet reading

oh hey it ya girl explaining why the recent government shutdown extravaganza is just a preview of the next four years of GORILLA CHANNEL GOVERNANCE